The Education of a Sport’s Parent - Top Ten suggestions for developing the athlete’s mindset

Jeff Hulett
Oct 15, 2021
8 min read

Updated: Apr 3

This article was born as my "last" sports child approached the final whistle of his college soccer journey—a profound milestone for him and a reflective moment for me as a youth sports parent. As captain and center back on a nationally ranked team, he is thriving, savoring every second of his collegiate experience. For me, this season feels like the ultimate victory lap, the reward for over 20 years of practices, games, road trips, and life lessons learned on and off the field. I am filled with gratitude for everything youth sports gave my children—discipline, teamwork, resilience, and unforgettable memories. Yet, as I watch this chapter close, there is a mix of pride and nostalgia, knowing the lessons of youth sports have shaped their lives far beyond the game. And who knows—this journey may not be over. Perhaps one day, I will be back on the sidelines, cheering on the grandkids, ready to start the cycle all over again. For those still in the thick of it: enjoy every moment. It goes by faster than you think.

Our four children—Josh, Jacquelyn, Daniel, and David—grew up immersed in sports. They participated in youth clubs and represented our local public high school across a variety of sports. Daniel went on to play college soccer, but all four enjoyed experiences in soccer, basketball, swim team, lacrosse, cross country, track, and flag football. My wife, Patti, and I were deeply involved every step of the way. We coached teams, managed logistics, served as board members for local sports organizations, and logged countless miles traveling across the country to support our children’s pursuits. These shared experiences became a cornerstone of our family life, fostering resilience, collaboration, and discipline.

Academically, our children thrived in college, each graduating with honors. After college, they embarked on careers aligned with the goals Patti and I had always emphasized:

1) to lead joyful, purpose-driven lives, and

2) to earn enough to support that joy-focused purpose.

I believe much of their success stems from the discipline and character they developed through sports—the foundation of what I call “the athlete’s mindset.” As a veteran leader in banking and behavioral economics, overseeing the recruitment of tens of thousands of new college graduates, I consistently rank this mindset at the top of our hiring criteria.

It is important to clarify: This hiring preference is not based on their competitive successes or the number of wins on their resumes. Rather, it is about the mindset they bring to the table. The athlete’s mindset instills essential professional traits: setting and achieving goals, thriving as part of a team, persevering through pain, managing disappointment, initiating personal growth, organizing time, and practicing beyond structured settings to excel. These are the qualities allowing individuals to navigate complex corporate environments, adapt to change, and contribute meaningfully to an organization. In short: it is the mindset, not the wins, that truly matters.

The athlete’s mindset isn’t limited to sports; it can be cultivated through many family activities that demand effort, focus, and commitment. In our family, athletics became the “Hulett Family Business” for instilling these principles in our children. What is your family’s approach to nurturing life skills in your kids?

As parents, we all want the best for our children. We hope to guide them toward lives filled with joy and purpose. Youth sports can be an extraordinary teacher, helping to shape their futures in meaningful ways. To support this goal, I’ve compiled my "Top Ten" suggestions for parents seeking to develop the athlete’s mindset in their children. Each suggestion is paired with an Athlete’s Mindset explanation—showing how it fosters critical skills for personal growth and success.

The Reality Check: Let us begin with a reality check: according to U.S. statistics, fewer than two percent of youth athletes earn any college sports scholarship, and less than one-tenth of one percent ever make a living as professional athletes. Overindexing on sports expectations is like using the lottery as a game plan for financial security. While these dreams captivate, the numbers highlight the importance of focusing on what youth sports truly offer. The most effective strategy embraces these odds by prioritizing the proper mindset. Youth sports exist for developing life skills, discipline, and character rather than chasing scholarships or professional glory. Athlete's Mindset: Playing the odds helps to maximize success likelihood.
Building Through Play: View youth sports as an enjoyable and engaging way to teach essential life skills such as discipline, goal setting, physical fitness, time management, and the many elements making up the athlete’s mindset. When sports are introduced as a source of fun during a child’s early years, they are far more likely to remain enjoyable and fulfilling throughout adolescence. A foundation of enjoyment fosters a positive attitude toward hard work, competition, and personal growth, ensuring that sports become a lasting source of motivation rather than an obligation. Athlete's Mindset: Fun helps children retain information and encourages curiosity.
Cultivate Diverse Skills: Encourage your children to participate in a wide range of sports before they enter high school, allowing them to explore different activities and develop diverse skills. Once they reach high school, specialization will happen naturally as they gravitate toward the sports they enjoy most or excel in. Encourage them to try out for high school teams, even if they are unsure of their abilities, as participation offers numerous benefits. For example, cross country, often a co-ed fall sport, is an excellent way to build physical fitness, socialize with both boys and girls, and form that all-important first group of friends during freshman year. Broad participation early on builds confidence and adaptability while laying the foundation for a more focused approach in later years. Athlete's Mindset: Emphasizing friendship teaches leadership. Emphasizing sampling teaches an openness to new learning.
The Resilience Lesson: It is natural for children to feel sad when they lose a game, and that is perfectly fine. Experiencing loss is an inevitable part of life, and learning to process and leverage disappointment at a young age helps build resilience and emotional strength. These moments teach children that setbacks are not the end but opportunities to learn, grow, and try again with renewed effort. Athlete's Mindset: Consistently “getting back on the horse” is a great life habit. Learning to use disappointment as a motivator is a great life skill.
Prioritize Brain Health: Encourage children to participate in sports where being hit on the head by another player is either a foul or an accident, rather than an accepted or routine part of the game. Protecting their brain is essential, as it will serve them throughout their lives in ways far more important than any single game or season. Thoughtful sports choices prioritize long-term well-being while still allowing children to enjoy competition and physical activity. Athlete's Mindset: Thoughtful sports choice teaches resource and risk management.
Align with Biology: Body type plays an important role in sports success and enjoyment. Take into account the physical attributes of your children’s biological parents when considering which sports may best align with their anticipated young adult bodies. Encouraging sports complementing their natural build increases the likelihood of success, reduces frustration, and fosters confidence, all while helping them appreciate their unique strengths. Athlete's Mindset: Anticipating environmental realities teaches strategic thinking.
The Late Bloomer: Children grow and develop at different rates, yet most sports leagues group participants by age, which often provides a physical advantage to early bloomers. Our children were late bloomers, and we found it beneficial to place them on teams that aligned with their current skills, abilities, and physical maturity. If your child is a late bloomer, trust the process—there is no need to worry, as they will catch up in time. Allowing them to develop at their own pace fosters confidence, keeps them engaged, and ensures they continue to enjoy their sports journey. Athlete's Mindset: Not being on the top team teaches goal setting, teamwork, and being appreciative.
Earn Your Play: Our children had a deep love for sports, and we encouraged them to play as many as they desired, provided they maintained success in school. If their grades began to slip, we adjusted their sports time to allow for more focus on academics. They quickly understood that good grades were the “rent” they paid to keep the door open to the fun and freedom of playing sports. This approach taught them the importance of balance, accountability, and prioritizing their responsibilities. Athlete's Mindset: Managing trade-offs teaches time management and discipline.
Parental Ego Check: Parents feel the relentless pull to involve themselves or live vicariously through their children's athletic journeys. This behavior frequently stems from adults venting past sports frustrations onto the next generation. We must shift our focus away from parental egos and toward the child's personal development. Youth sports exist for children to build their own resilience and character through independent experience. The vagaries of sport teach self-advocacy, self-control, and how to manage the truism: sometimes life is not fair. Proper boundaries ensure the game remains a teaching tool rather than a source of family pressure. Athlete's Mindset: Owning the journey builds authentic accountability.
Navigating College Athletics: If your child possesses the desire and aptitude for college sports, follow this advice: First, prioritize colleges matching their academic profile rather than using athletics to gain admission beyond their comfort zone. Second, select a school offering meaningful playing time to enhance their development. Third, unless your child aims for a professional career, seek programs emphasizing the student aspect of the athlete identity to ensure a healthy balance between sports, academics, and social life. Many Division III and select Division I programs foster this balance better than top-tier programs focused on professional prospects. Remember the adage: if you are not paying for the product, you are the product. In some elite programs, your child risks being treated as a sports commodity while still paying full tuition. Athlete's Mindset: Bottom line, only go into D1 college sports with your eyes WIDE open.

Most importantly… enjoy your children’s great enthusiasms and their sport-enabled growth. You will be running your victory lap all too soon!

I am deeply grateful to the many individuals who have contributed to “The Education of THIS Sport’s Parent.” Below is a partial list:

Patti, my incredible wife—Your unwavering dedication turned our children’s athlete mindset into a reality, and your cross-country running experience remains an enduring inspiration.

Neal Abravanel and Michele Claude—You both led an outstanding basketball referee program. Our children are fortunate to count themselves among your graduates.

Marie Williams—An exceptional basketball coach for Jacquelyn, whose advice to “Use It!” continues to resonate.

Sheri Landfair—A talented swim club leader who instilled responsibility, leadership, and the value of hard work in our children.

Joshua Culver—An inspiring track coach who taught Josh to push himself to new limits.

Bo Amato—Irreverent, spirited, and skilled high school and club soccer coach whose enthusiasm greatly influenced Daniel and David.

Justin Chezem—An ideal college coach for Daniel, who has done an excellent job succeeding Steve Shaw and has a bright coaching future.

Porter Hulett—My late father, who imparted the athlete’s mindset and a lifelong love of sports.

Finally, I am thankful for the many coaches, teachers, administrators, and volunteers who have been vital in shaping our children’s athlete mindset foundation.

Some of my favorite sports resources:

Sum It Up

When Pride Still Mattered

The Education Of A Coach

Outliers

Soccerhead

Friday Night Lights

Intelligence Squared Debates - Ban College Football