Updated: Dec 22, 2020
A good marriage is
- One part personality compliment,
- Two parts faith alignment, and
- All parts honest and patient.
A good business partnership is
- One part skill and ability compliment
- Two parts value alignment
- All parts honest and patient.
Let's be good today....
The following are a few examples of how the ”Good Day” plays out:
1. George Washington and Alexander Hamilton
“Washington and Hamilton also made an exceptional team because they offset each other’s personal weaknesses. Washington could be hypersensitive to criticism and never forgot snubs, but he had learned to govern his emotions, making him a valuable foil to the volatile Hamilton. Hamilton could be needlessly tactless and provocative, while Washington was conciliatory, with an innate sense of decorum. Adams said that Washington possessed ‘the gift of taciturnity.’ Hamilton’s mind was so swift and decisive that it could lead him into rash decisions. Washington’s management style was the antithesis of this. ‘He consulted much, pondered much, resolved slowly, resolved surely,’ Hamilton later said of the president.”
“Perhaps the main reason that Washington and Hamilton functioned so well together was that both men longed to see the thirteen states welded into a single, respected American nation.”
So, you can see how Hamilton and Washington greatly complimented each other while being well aligned with their values concerning the American nation.
2. Business and working in teams
I have led and worked in teams my entire professional life. I tend to build teams by considering skills and abilities as building blocks. It is ultimately this complementarity that leads to success. This approach generally leads to a diversity of skills and abilities that are tuned to the team objective.
Also, being clear about team objective can be a great team unifier. That is, having diverse skills and abilities can lead to a sense of separateness. Having a clear objective helps people understand how they fit in and that they need the others to be successful. I also tend to focus more on “why” objectives than “what” or “how.” I find “why” is more powerful to coalesce teams. I generally let the team determine the best “what” or “how” as an output from the team. Simon Sinek discusses some of the science and examples in his thought provoking podcast. I especially appreciate his powerful example concerning Martin Luther King’s I Have A Dream speech.
Also, an interesting tid bit about me, I tend to be apolitical and non tribal. This is less because I have made a conscious decision to be this way and more a result of my biology. I believe I was born with less ability to produce oxytocin and related neurotransmitters associated with tribal behavior. (See my Brain Model for more information) So perhaps I am a mutation that will help our species evolve! Or maybe I’m just weird :). Either way, I tend to favor diverse teams based on skill and ability. I am less vulnerable to other typical tribal factors of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. What this means, is my teams often include people of diverse backgrounds because of their skill and ability. Interestingly, because of my reduced tribal vulnerability, my teams are usually more tribally diverse.
I believe the strength of Patti and my marriage has its basis in these alignments and compliments. I am an INTJ, she is an ESFP. According to Myers Briggs and Jung, our personalities are utter compliments.
However, from a values standpoint, we are greatly aligned. We put our family first, we have a deep faith and agree on how to raise our children in our shared faith. We are aligned in how we value economic goods, generally agreeing a “thing’s” value is related to its utility, not its price.
If there is a source of conflict, it is based on our personality complementarity. It is necessary to show each other patience and grace to accommodate those differences. We both recognize that our personality differences are a great benefit to each of us as individuals. We help each other grow, recognizing the value of our different personalities.
Further reading: Ray Dalio’s book Principles does a great job describing his approach to team building for business and life success.